12 Songs Project

by The Heated

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    In 2010, I decided to release one song a month for a year. These are the raw mixes. These songs were then added to, re-mixed and mastered into a proper release called "The Projector": http://theheated.bandcamp.com/album/the-projector The Heated thanks you for listening: http://www.theheated.com

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05:08
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released January 1, 2010

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The Heated San Francisco, California

Cristina Espinosa, front-woman of The Heated is anxious. She has always been anxious. The best way she has found to ward off these synaptic misfires is through the repetitious nature of music. Singing it. Playing the same riff for hours on end. Agonizing over guitar pick methods. For her, music is not a hobby. It’s a coping mechanism. ... more

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Track Name: The Projector
I am the narrator and when I talk, I'm telling you a story. I float above the ground. I'm writing it all down as I speak, this technique for getting by. Watching it all happen from outside and this way I don't have to even try. But this ain't no kind of life.

We sleep on couches, sleep in cars. We sleep on hardwood floors. We sleep where we can afford. I hide from those scuffles in the next room. Her bruises bloom. C'mon now. Let's put that knife away. It's like a thread and all you have to do is tug on it and everything from beginning to end unravels in your head.

I am the projector. The light it passes through, but that's not me. It's an image, the visage, the knowledge of how I should be. I'm not the same. The cutting room floor it can betray. I know I never spoke before. I'm so sorry. I'll take these regrets to my grave.

But let's not go the way we know. Before these ways become comfortable. I will do what I have to. That's it. That's all. I'm gone.

I am the passenger. I let you take me for a ride. No, I never say a fucking word. You must be so unsatisfied. I can barely lift my head. I don't blame you when you leave. No, I think I'll just stay here instead and pretend I give you what you need. All I want is to untie these knots where they begin. She tells me I should take a deep breath in and she'll push my ribs in place again.
Track Name: For The Greater Good
You're going to have to devastate, disappoint me. You tell me I'm wrong. We've already tried where you love me madly but then you treat me badly and it's time to move on.

I hate to admit, I've been an optimist. I keep it quiet. You know how I hate to be wrong. But I have been. Yeah. All along.

Please, won't you overjoy me and fucking destroy me, if you care at all. A whole life at last. I'm crushed. No, I'm glad. I'll never be as sad. I'll never fear anything again.
Track Name: Cars Roll Down
Cars roll down the hill. The day's sun makes them all look like insects. Exoskeletons. They make you feel so safe. But it's a trap. It's hard not to look at their faces because I am just the same and they avoid my gaze.

I think they wanted more from life. But there's still this emptiness that they can't fill up. It's not something you can buy. We've tried.

During the day, I'll bet there's more of us than them up here. "Us" and "them." It's so easy. I fell for it again.

You know, I wanted more from life. But there's still this emptiness that I can't fill up. If it was something that you could buy, don't you think we would have bought it?
Track Name: Vigilance
The ambulance parts traffic like the sea of the morning commute on Gough Street. It reminds me of Moses and how he parted the waves. Not like your cheap miracles these days.

He gave them everything but now all he hears are tired sighs. Water from the rock. Bread from the sky. The red plastic taillights. You should know better than to get in their way. I hope that you deserve to be saved.

I know how this must seem to you, how you've longed for indifference and here's that all these people do. It must seem so unfair. You've longed for indifference but now all you do is care.

More than a lot. I think these inflamed thoughts. In the middle of the night. In the middle of every day. Nothing stands in my way. I don't really think about Moses. I fantasize about the crushing waves. I hope that you deserve to be saved.
Track Name: Driving Into The City
Well, I used to drive 17 every day and I had all of the turns memorized. I could have held on to the wheel and closed my eyes. When you drive a dangerous road every day that sense of danger just fades away. Nothing around any turn surprised me. There's always wrecks. Accidents. When you're driving into the city.

Up the incline, I've never had a car that was powerful enough. Everyone's flying by while we are still struggling to just make it up. You and I, we always knew that this shit would be rough. We're driving.

Going home now, the opposite way. The beginning is now at the end. The last friend we had there is moving away so we just continue around the bend. At the top of the hill, the city's radio stations come in. We're driving into the city.
Track Name: We Stand In Front
My love is a restless thing but you soothe me. Honey, you do.

I just washed up on your shore, wrecked like never before. I just didn't even care no more but you saw me honey and you knew.

And I know that I'm a fixer-upper. I worry so that I'm bringing your good time down. But I just love you like no other. It's not like drowning, it's like being held under. Willingly, that's how I go.

Oh, Lord. The things I've seen and done. I'm grateful that you don't ask me where I've been. You know that I'm all or that I'm none. We stand in front of everyone and I say I can't wait to see you again.
Track Name: The Flood Building
I'm feeling something cold and mean building up inside of me. I think it's all the things I've seen. These city's streets are never clean.

All the booze. All the drugs. The boredom then the violence. I'm feeling something cold and mean building up inside of me. I took the train downtown.

Lay me down in the desert sand. The desert sun won't give a damn. Late at night, the stars will fall and I will wish to forget it all.
Track Name: Ionosphere
You've stood in the middle of every empty room and quietly wondered what you were thinking. The echo of emptiness. It's more than a feeling with you. It's a way of living. The future is so important to you. I know it is. I know it's true.

Think of the systems you've put into place to make sure that these secrets never escape but then you can't believe how easily she's moved on. You give her that look (you know the one I mean) before she gets out of the car but then next time you wonder, "Why won't she just take the ride?" The future is so important to you. You can't wait to get there. You wonder why you never do.

You feel the same.
You're both idiots.
You're young. You're too scared to admit it.
I would say forever, but I'm not so sure that you know what that means.
Now I feel forever in everything.
It's killing me.

She says, "Haven't you noticed these radio stations come in better at night? They're more clear. The ionosphere draws closer as things cool off."
And you think about loving her sometimes. I mean, you've considered it. Given it way too much thought. This love. You're exhausted just thinking of it.
You will call. Yes, you will call. Eventually, you get around to calling her but she's not home. No, you don't leave a message. What for? She'll know. You wonder if she's along.

You've stood in the middle of every empty room. (Who am I kidding? These rooms aren't empty. I've seen that photo booth strip of you two.) You think about loving her. It's confusing. More trouble than it's worth. This love. You're exhausted just thinking of it. You will call. Yes, you will call. Eventually, you work up you're nerve and you call her but she's already gone. It's been disconnected. So long.
Track Name: Ohio
That was the winter it was so cold that I still think about it now. That was the winter I got old, working in the warehouse. They'd promised me a raise after putting in one year that has come and gone. Just try to hope for nothing. Try to make the best of what you've got.

She is packing up her things. I'm loading them into the truck because as far as I'm concerned, this can't happen soon enough. She is mad at me for making her move out. I'm mad at her for sleeping with someone else when I didn't even want her but that's how pride turns you against yourself.

I've been to Ohio, New Mexico, Oregon, Washington state and D.C. But still something brings me back here. Something brings me back here. I always end up back here.

The ones that I love, turn your eyes away. Turn your eyes from me. How will I love, this young, foolish way that I've loved.
Track Name: Leaving The House With The Burner On
I saved up all of my tips, to buy the gas to get me here to see you don't give a shit. I even rolled my pennies. Yeah, I've seen your balance. It doesn't really matter to me cuz I know that I've got nothing. I know what I've got.

Should probably be home recovering. Those bruises have gone. Black, and blue, and red, and green, and yellow and finally they fade away. It's just that it goes on and on in this perfect memory.

Last thing before I split town, I sent that money order out. A hundred bucks. It's all I have in the world. But I won't owe you. Really, I don't know you no more. I can't wait to start forgetting.

It's not like on the t.v.. I stand out in the lobby. We pick up telephones. I see him up there on this tiny black and white screen. We're scrambling for the money to get him out of here. He looks so much smaller. He looks so small.

Slide that eviction notice under my door. He signs and dates it. I never even unpacked the car. I know how far.

Hey man, c'mon. You've got to be kidding me. C'mon. I know what I got.
Track Name: Clean It Out, Stitch It Up
I'm right by the highway, like I was really home. Traffic is picking up cuz the kids are back at school and it's been a real nice time. My memories will be fine. Filled with backyards, filled with sunshine.

I never quite made it to the east side. I just made it here and I did it all myself. "So you've changed," and you laugh but I guess not cuz I was scared as hell but later it will be a story that I tell.

She's says that it's all too late and that this is not t.v. Re-run through my head all day. I think that you should be with me cuz it's always on my mind. It's taking up all my time and you can't have me cuz I'm already mine.

Come pick me up later, you'll never guess where I am. I try to make the doctor make me laugh as he's putting my stitches in and suddenly every room is one for waiting and this is a way that I've always been. Calm on the outside but inside I'm screaming.

It sure would be nice to see your face again. All the stars fall and I don't make wishes on any of them. But it's always going on. It's always going strong. It's going, going, gone.

Every time I'm ready to give up on you, you sew up the distance that you grew and every time it hurts more to remove. No, I've never had a friend like you.