The Projector

by The Heated

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05:00
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04:35
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05:05

about

Originally released as singles, called the Twelve Songs Project, this record has been futzed with, added to and mastered for a proper release. Enjoy!

credits

released May 1, 2012

Written and performed by The Heated. Recording engineer, Regina Benson. Mastering engineer, Michael Romanowski. Mastering assistant Piper Payne.

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The Heated San Francisco, California

Cristina Espinosa, front-woman of The Heated is anxious. She has always been anxious. The best way she has found to ward off these synaptic misfires is through the repetitious nature of music. Singing it. Playing the same riff for hours on end. Agonizing over guitar pick methods. For her, music is not a hobby. It’s a coping mechanism. ... more

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Track Name: The Projector (explicit)
I am the narrator and when I talk, I'm telling you a story. I float above the ground. I'm writing it all down as I speak, this technique for getting by. Watching it all happen from outside and this way I don't have to even try. But this ain't no kind of life.

We sleep on couches, sleep in cars. We sleep on hardwood floors. We sleep where we can afford. I hide from those scuffles in the next room. Her bruises bloom. C'mon now. Let's put that knife away. It's like a thread and all you have to do is tug on it and everything from beginning to end unravels in your head.

I am the projector. The light it passes through, but that's not me. It's an image, the visage, the knowledge of how I should be. I'm not the same. The cutting room floor it can betray. I know I never spoke before. I'm so sorry. I'll take these regrets to my grave.

But let's not go the way we know. Before these ways become comfortable. I will do what I have to. That's it. That's all. I'm gone.

I am the passenger. I let you take me for a ride. No, I never say a fucking word. You must be so unsatisfied. I can barely lift my head. I don't blame you when you leave. No, I think I'll just stay here instead and pretend I give you what you need. All I want is to untie these knots where they begin. She tells me I should take a deep breath in and she'll push my ribs in place again.
Track Name: The Union
I feel like such a fool in my business casual attire. It feels like it is a costume but I do what I've got to and my ass looks alright. The boys at the oil change watch it as I walk by. If that's the worst thing that happens to me today, oh it's ok.

I had a whisper of a headache when I woke up but now it's pounding with every step that I take. My heels are like hammers. I'd do anything for this. I brought every certificate. I can prove it. They run tests and tests but they've got nothing to say. Oh, she's ok.

I've worked so hard for all that I have and I'm not a martyr but if the crown fits, wear it. Skinny and broken and sad, she found me, she fed me. When good luck comes around, you don't turn your back on it. No. You stake it to the ground. You can put your nice shoes on. I'll take you out tonight. I'll shine the nice shoes. Let's go out tonight. You can put your nice shoes on. I'll take you out tonight.
Track Name: Cars Roll Down
Cars roll down the hill. The day's sun makes them all look like insects. Exoskeletons. They make you feel so safe. But it's a trap. It's hard not to look at their faces because I am just the same and they avoid my gaze.

I think they wanted more from life. But there's still this emptiness that they can't fill up. It's not something you can buy. We've tried.

During the day, I'll bet there's more of us than them up here. "Us" and "them." It's so easy. I fell for it again.

You know, I wanted more from life. But there's still this emptiness that I can't fill up. If it was something that you could buy, don't you think we would have bought it?
Track Name: For The Greater Good (explicit)
You're going to have to devastate, disappoint me. You tell me I'm wrong. We've already tried where you love me madly but then you treat me badly and it's time to move on.

I hate to admit, I've been an optimist. I keep it quiet. You know how I hate to be wrong. But I have been. Yeah. All along.

Please, won't you overjoy me and fucking destroy me, if you care at all. A whole life at last. I'm crushed. No, I'm glad. I'll never be as sad. I'll never fear anything again.
Track Name: Driving Into The City (explicit)
Well, I used to drive 17 every day and I had all of the turns memorized. I could have held on to the wheel and closed my eyes. When you drive a dangerous road every day that sense of danger just fades away. Nothing around any turn surprised me. There's always wrecks. Accidents. When you're driving into the city.

Up the incline, I've never had a car that was powerful enough. Everyone's flying by while we are still struggling to just make it up. You and I, we always knew that this shit would be rough. We're driving.

Going home now, the opposite way. The beginning is now at the end. The last friend we had there is moving away so we just continue around the bend. At the top of the hill, the city's radio stations come in. We're driving into the city.
Track Name: Vigilance
The ambulance parts traffic like the sea of the morning commute on Gough Street. It reminds me of Moses and how he parted the waves. Not like your cheap miracles these days.

He gave them everything but now all he hears are tired sighs. Water from the rock. Bread from the sky. The red plastic taillights. You should know better than to get in their way. I hope that you deserve to be saved.

I know how this must seem to you, how you've longed for indifference and here's that all these people do. It must seem so unfair. You've longed for indifference but now all you do is care.

More than a lot. I think these inflamed thoughts. In the middle of the night. In the middle of every day. Nothing stands in my way. I don't really think about Moses. I fantasize about the crushing waves. I hope that you deserve to be saved.
Track Name: We Stand In Front
My love is a restless thing but you soothe me. Honey, you do.

I just washed up on your shore, wrecked like never before. I just didn't even care no more but you saw me honey and you knew.

And I know that I'm a fixer-upper. I worry so that I'm bringing your good time down. But I just love you like no other. It's not like drowning, it's like being held under. Willingly, that's how I go.

Oh, Lord. The things I've seen and done. I'm grateful that you don't ask me where I've been. You know that I'm all or that I'm none. We stand in front of everyone and I say I can't wait to see you again.
Track Name: The Flood Building
I'm feeling something cold and mean building up inside of me. I think it's all the things I've seen. These city's streets are never clean.

All the booze. All the drugs. The boredom then the violence. I'm feeling something cold and mean building up inside of me. I took the train downtown.

Lay me down in the desert sand. The desert sun won't give a damn. Late at night, the stars will fall and I will wish to forget it all.
Track Name: Ionosphere
You've stood in the middle of every empty room and quietly wondered what you were thinking. The echo of emptiness. It's more than a feeling with you. It's a way of living. The future is so important to you. I know it is. I know it's true.

Think of the systems you've put into place to make sure that these secrets never escape but then you can't believe how easily she's moved on. You give her that look (you know the one I mean) before she gets out of the car but then next time you wonder, "Why won't she just take the ride?" The future is so important to you. You can't wait to get there. You wonder why you never do.

You feel the same.
You're both idiots.
You're young. You're too scared to admit it.
I would say forever, but I'm not so sure that you know what that means.
Now I feel forever in everything.
It's killing me.

She says, "Haven't you noticed these radio stations come in better at night? They're more clear. The ionosphere draws closer as things cool off."
And you think about loving her sometimes. I mean, you've considered it. Given it way too much thought. This love. You're exhausted just thinking of it.
You will call. Yes, you will call. Eventually, you get around to calling her but she's not home. No, you don't leave a message. What for? She'll know. You wonder if she's along.

You've stood in the middle of every empty room. (Who am I kidding? These rooms aren't empty. I've seen that photo booth strip of you two.) You think about loving her. It's confusing. More trouble than it's worth. This love. You're exhausted just thinking of it. You will call. Yes, you will call. Eventually, you work up you're nerve and you call her but she's already gone. It's been disconnected. So long.

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